it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
