tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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