very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize