she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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