Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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