Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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