mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
