i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
