You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
