kristin has been a bad kristin
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
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My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
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Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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