I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
