It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
