ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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