So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
