does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
