Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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