It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
