i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We are all done wearing pants today
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
