If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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