i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
