we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
