No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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