I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
