4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
