What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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