i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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