based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
