please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
