i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
