the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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