Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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