man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
