Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
