you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
