He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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