you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
