just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
