so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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