Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
