I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
