I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize