didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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