can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
A bitchslap is in order.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize