We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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