I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
