Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize