Soap is not a condiment
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
