I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
