so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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