Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
