Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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