you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Say something about gay babies.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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