if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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