I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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