Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
