It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
