Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
