Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
