I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
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My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
that may or may not have been my penis.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize