Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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