I just cut my nipple shaving
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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