This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
